And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize