i may or may not be watching the land before time
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
