Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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