i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
