We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
