I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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