Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
