Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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