i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
