People with herpes should wear stickers.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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