so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
