I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize