But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
