he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
