it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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