My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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