So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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