I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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