I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
