guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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