I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
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