then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
