whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
