the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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