i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
