Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
