My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
