I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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