your thong is hanging out like whoa
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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