I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
