Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
