I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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