I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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