there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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