We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
