You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
