This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
