my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize