i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
