Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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