I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
