I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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