We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize