Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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