Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Boobs are out for the taking
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
