So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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