i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he thought i was a dude.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
