Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
