If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
