yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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