Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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