i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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