my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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