He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
