Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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