i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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