i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
