I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
