Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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