he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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