I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
