im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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