I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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