i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
