Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
